School of Social and Political Science

Content

Download PDF file here: Perfectionism & Self Compassion

Please note if you need this file in a different format please contact: ssps.student-development@ed.ac.uk

Perfectionism & Self Compassion Top Tips

Setting more realistic expectations 

• Have you had enough sleep?
• Are you financially secure?
• How reliable is your support network?
• Is your physical/mental health good? 

If you answered no to any of these questions, then you are currently operating below your optimum condition. Therefore your expectations for performance should be accordingly amended. 

The outcome of this assessment of resources and ability to engage with the demands of life varies day-to-day. Your expectations should be seen as something fluid and changing to match.

Radical acceptance of failure as a natural part of the human experience and learning 

By definition, failure means that we didn’t achieve success. It forces us back to square one, more often than not. 

But after failing, we know that we can’t approach the same task or goal in the same way. We wouldn’t achieve the same result. So, the act of failure inevitably leads to thinking of new ways to overcome obstacles.

Reflection is an important part of failure. Without reflection, we wouldn’t learn. It’s important that after we fail, we take a moment to sit with it. 

• What about the failure went well? What didn’t go well? Where can we pinpoint what went wrong? It helps us to figure out how to course correct and do it better the next time.

How do we make failure less threatening to the ego? 

• Observe other people’s failures: when you set out to learn out to ski, it will probably help to watch YouTube videos about common mistakes, before you hit the slopes yourself 

• Get some distance. If negative emotions are getting in the way of your understanding, they also suggest trying selfdistancing techniques. This involves thinking of your personal experience from the outside perspective of a neutral third party, asking, “Why did Jeremy fail?” instead of “Why did I fail?”

   

Using a compassionate voice for self-talk

This is the compliment to the critic. The compassionate voice is non-judgemental and based in facts/truths.

Example Scenario:

You sit down to begin an assessment, but are not sure where to start or what to write. 

Your inner critic says the following: “You might as well not bother, nothing you write is any good and this time won’t be any different” 

FACT: Every time you write an assessment is different. 

FACT: If you don’t write anything, that will certainly be a failing grade. The outcome of writing and submitting something is unknown 

FACT: If nothing you wrote was any good, you wouldn’t be where you are now

Examples of compassionate alternative thoughts to challenge your critic:

• I have all the resources I need to write this essay and have been successful in the past. Maybe I should have a quick skim over the material again and see if any concepts jump out at me as significant. This could be a good starting point.
• I don’t have to follow a rigid procedure when writing this essay. I think I’ll focus on one of the points I’d like to make first and maybe more ideas will become clearer as I write